One-Act Play

A Play in One Act by William Ivor Fowkes

Script available at the National New Play Network's New Play Exchange (NPX). Click here.

Or see EXCERPT below.

LENGTH: 15 minutes

CAST: 3 (2M, 1F)

SETTING

A hotel ballroom.

TIME

February 1983

CHARACTERS

Tennessee Williams. 72. Speaks slowly and expressively, as if always reciting poetry.

Calvin Serandapolous. Male. 20s. A good-looking, shrewd male hustler.

Louisa Dragoni. Female. Any age. A solicitous but hassled board member of a literary organization.

EXCERPT:

TENNESSEE

A writer is a magician, so come with me to the island of Manhattan in the year of our Lord 1983 as I conjure up a ballroom at a fancy private club. It’s the perfect setting for proms, weddings, gala dinners, and other events people dream about. Except this was no dream. This really happened.

Lights up on a head table with two chairs and place settings. A third chair sits off to the side. 

TENNESSEE (CONT’D)

At least, this is how I remember it--how I’d write it if it were a play. 

LOUISA enters. 

TENNESSEE (CONT’D)

A woman enters. One of those women who run the world. Or try to. Her name is Louisa. She looks harried and paces nervously.

TENNESSEE exits.

LOUISA

(to herself)

He’s already 45 minutes late! My God, what impertinence! 

TENNESSEE enters with CALVIN and is drunk.

LOUISA (CONT’D)

(suddenly cheerful and gracious)

Oh, there you are! Mr. Williams, what an honor it is to meet you. I’m Louisa Dragoni.

TENNESSEE

Now, Ms Dragon Lady--

LOUISA

DRAGONI. But you may call me Louisa.

TENNESSEE

Louisa, darling, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve brought someone along with me.

LOUISA

Your publicist didn’t say anything about a guest.

TENNESSEE

Then I shall fire the blackguard in the morning!

LOUISA

Oh, really, it’s no bother. 

TENNESSEE

He didn’t know. Nor did I for that matter. You see, my friend arrived unexpectedly this afternoon. Allow me to introduce my dear old friend, Mr. Calvin Serendipity.

CALVIN

(aside to Tennessee—correcting him)

Uh--it’s Serendapolous.

TENNESSEE

Are you sure?

CALVIN

Uh, yeah.

TENNESSEE

Funny, I’ve gotten that wrong all these years. 

(to Louisa)

Allow me to present Mr. Calvin Serendapolous.

LOUISA

(suspiciously)

Where did you two meet?

TENNESSEE

(obviously lying)

In college--back in Missouri.

CALVIN

(aside to Tennessee)

Uh, I ain’t never been to college.

TENNESSEE

(to Cal)

It don’t matter, baby.

(to Louisa)

We were on the wrestling team together. 

(to Cal)

Let’s show her our favorite hold, Cal!

TENNESSEE grabs CALVIN in an improper way.

LOUISA

Oh!

(forcing a laugh)

Ha ha! . . . 

(flustered)

Oh, my! Why don’t I go get us another place setting?

LOUISA exits quickly. TENNESSEE lets go of CALVIN. 

TENNESSEE

Calvin, pardon me a moment while I attend to a bit of medicinal business.

TENNESSEE takes out a bottle of pills. Gets a glass of water from the table. Takes some pills.

TENNESSEE (CONT’D)

Much better! I can already feel rivulets of relief flowing throughout my body.

CALVIN

What is that?

TENNESSEE

I have no idea.

CALVIN

Then why do you take it?

TENNESSEE

Because pills are meant to be taken. 

LOUISA enters with an extra place setting. Gets the extra chair. 

LOUISA

Now, come—let’s get you all settled. The program’s about to start. 

TENNESSEE and CALVIN sit. LOUISA notices something in the distance. 

LOUISA

Oh, I better attend to that! Pardon me.

LOUISA exits. 

TENNESSEE

So, what do you think about all this, Cal? Pretty swank, huh?

CALVIN

I thought we were going to YOUR place. I thought you wanted to . . . you know.

TENNESSEE

I hired you for the ENTIRE evening. Just humor me, baby, will ya? I can’t face these people alone.

CALVIN

Where are we anyway? Why’d you bring me here?

TENNESSEE

This is the New York Literati Club. They host the annual Clyde Fitch Award dinner. I’m being honored tonight.

CALVIN

For what?

TENNESSEE

For survival, baby.

CALVIN

Who are you?

TENNESSEE

(disappointed)

I thought I was renowned throughout the male escort circuit. I am a truthteller and an illusionist--or what you’d call a writer.

CALVIN

Are you some kinda big shot?

TENNESSEE

No, I’m just a large ant in a colony of sycophantic little ants. Any day now, a beetle’s gonna come along and piss all over us, and no one will pay any more attention to me. Speaking of which, I think it’s time I made a visit to the little boys’ room.

CALVIN

You want me to come along and help?

TENNESSEE

I’ve been handling these matters by myself since long before you were born. But thank you for your kind offer. Stay out here and get to know these nice people.

END OF EXCERPT