One-Act Play
An Accident in the Park
A Play in One Act by William Ivor Fowkes
It's time for Earl Mumford's 72nd birthday party, but where's the
birthday boy?
It's a summer afternoon in 1999 at The Dakota, New York's fabled apartment building on Central Park West. Marjorie Mumford is arguing with her daughter while fretting over the preparations for her husband's birthday party, but what's really worrying her is the absence of the birthday boy.
LENGTH: 30 minutes
CAST: 3 (2M, 1F)
AN ACCIDENT IN THE PARK is an excerpt from the full-length play,
SETTING
The living room of Earl and Marjorie Mumford's apartment at The Dakota, the fabled apartment building on Central Park West in Manhattan
TIME
A summer afternoon, 1999.
CHARACTERS
Marjorie Mumford. Female. 60s. Earl's wife.
Elizabeth Mumford Allen. Female. 30s. Earl's and Marjorie's daughter.
Earl Mumford. Male. 72. A retired architect
PRODUCTION
2016. 19th Annual Black Box New Play Festival, Gallery Players, Brooklyn, NY.
READINGS
2017. New Play Lab, 36th William Inge Theater Festival, Independence, KS.
2017. PNWF Original Play Readings, Pittsburgh New Works Festival, Carnegie, PA.
AWARD
2016. 16th Annual New Voices Play Festival, The Old Opera House Theatre Company, Charles Town, WV.
EXCERPT:
Scene: ELIZABETH is straightening things up in preparation for a party. MARJORIE enters with a vase filled with flowers. Hands it to ELIZABETH.
MARJORIE
Here, Elizabeth—see if you can find a good place for these.
MARJORIE exits. ELIZABETH seems overwhelmed by the assignment. Just can’t decide where to put the vase. MARJORIE re-enters with an armful of cloth napkins.
MARJORIE
(indicating a spot)
Maybe over there!
ELIZABETH immediately puts the vase down exactly where MARJORIE indicates.
MARJORIE
(softening)
Or . . . or wherever you think.
ELIZABETH picks up the vase again. Looks around, unsure what to do.
MARJORIE
(peeved)
Oh, just put it down anywhere!
ELIZABETH
(getting annoyed)
All right, already!
ELIZABETH puts the vase back down where MARJORIE first indicated.
MARJORIE
Now come here and help me, please.
(indicating the pile of napkins)
I don’t like the way the laundry service folded the napkins. I’m afraid we’re going to have to redo them all.
ELIZABETH
Seriously?
MARJORIE
(sweetly)
If you don’t mind.
ELIZABETH
(resigned)
Sure. I’m here to do whatever you need.
MARJORIE and ELIZABETH start to refold the pile of napkins as they talk.
MARJORIE
I was so touched when you offered to come home and help me out. I haven’t thrown a party in ages—I didn’t know if I’d still know how.
ELIZABETH
I’m sure you haven’t lost the knack. But I came because I decided it’s been too long since I’ve been home for one of Daddy’s birthdays.
MARJORIE
No, here—like this.
MARJORIE grabs a napkin out of ELIZABETH’S hand and shows her the “correct” way to fold a napkin.
ELIZABETH
When I saw how thrilled he was to see me this morning, I knew I’d made the right decision. He told me all his old jokes, and I laughed like I’d never heard them before.
MARJORIE
Well, I’m glad you finally decided to make an appearance. You’ve missed so many of his birthdays . . .
(because she just can’t help herself)
Not to mention ALL of mine, by the way—but I’m not complaining.
ELIZABETH suddenly throws her napkins down on the floor.
ELIZABETH
(suddenly—harshly)
Cut the crap, Mother!
MARJORIE
(stunned)
Oh . . . Uh . . . I’m sorry—I didn’t mean . . .
ELIZABETH immediately hugs and kisses MARJORIE.
ELIZABETH
No, no—I’M sorry, Mommy!
MARJORIE
(calmly)
Is that how they talk out in Seattle?
ELIZABETH
No, no! I’m so, so sorry!
ELIZABETH picks up the napkins. Brushes them off. Resumes folding them.
ELIZABETH
I over-reacted. It’s probably the jet lag. I’m just saying—now that Daddy’s 72—well, that’s getting up there!
MARJORIE
(cheerfully)
Nonsense. People are living into their HUNDREDS these days.
ELIZABETH
People do die in their 70s, you know.
MARJORIE
People get hit by buses in their 40s—that doesn’t prove anything. He still goes to the office every day. He’ll probably outlive us all!
ELIZABETH
I worry about you, too. You know, the diabetes and all.
MARJORIE
Oh, it’s not so bad. I take my pills and watch what I eat. The doctor’s very pleased.
ELIZABETH
Yeah, but sooner or later it’s gonna catch up with you. The pills aren’t a permanent solution, you know.
MARJORIE
Darling, stick to running that little vitamin shop of yours and let the professionals do their job.
ELIZABETH
(snapping)
There you go again! Why do you always have to put down my career?
MARJORIE
Since when did being a shopkeeper become a career?
ELIZABETH storms over and moves the vase to a different spot with a bang.
MARJORIE
Careful, Elizabeth!
ELIZABETH
(angrily)
Chuck and I worked our asses off to get that business going! It’s the biggest vitamin store in the state now—and our catalog business is through the roof! You should be proud of all I’ve accomplished!
MARJORIE
I AM proud of you. I just don’t understand why you didn’t want to reach a little higher—become a doctor or a lawyer—or SOMETHING. It’s 1999! There are so many careers available to women now!
ELIZABETH
God! And you wonder why I never come back here!
MARJORIE
And why didn’t you bring Chuck and little Charlie with you, while we’re on the subject? Or do they hate me, too?
ELIZABETH
I don’t hate you, Mother . . . It’s just . . . Well—business isn’t so great right now. And don’t tell me again what a big disappointment I am.
MARJORIE
You just said your sales are through the roof.
ELIZABETH
It depends on the month. Just be happy I’m here.
MARJORIE
Well, I am!
MARJORIE holds out a napkin. ELIZABETH takes the napkin. Sits down and goes back to work.
ELIZABETH
So, tell me about this party. I assume it’s another one of your star-studded galas.
MARJORIE
No, no. I’m just inviting a few of the neighbors from the building.
ELIZABETH
Mother, your building is the Dakota. That means it’s going to be star-studded. Not everybody has Yoko Ono and Lauren Bacall for neighbors, you know.
MARJORIE
Oh, yes—dear Betty!
ELIZABETH
You call Lauren Bacall “Betty” now?
MARJORIE
Well, that’s what she likes me to call her.
ELIZABETH
I rest my case. I grew up thinking EVERYBODY had parties filled with famous people.
MARJORIE
You should consider yourself fortunate.
ELIZABETH
For what? Having to give command performances to those people? And it didn’t help when The New Yorker named Daddy
(dramatically)
“Architect of the Year.”
MARJORIE
(proudly)
I still have that article.
ELIZABETH
How would you like to grow up in the shadow of all that?
MARJORIE
You make your childhood sound awful.
ELIZABETH
Chuck and I live a much simpler life.
MARJORIE
Fine—stay in your room. No one’s forcing you to make an appearance.
ELIZABETH
No, I’m doing this for Daddy.
ELIZABETH finishes folding her last napkin.
ELIZABETH
There—all done. What can I do next?
MARJORIE
Let me think . . . We’ll let the bartender set up in the dining room . . . Oh, grab a rag and check the photos for smudges, will you?
ELIZABETH grabs a rag and gets to work while MARJORIE takes ELIZABETH’s pile of folded napkins and starts to fold them all over again.
MARJORIE
Your brother refused to come—no surprise.
ELIZABETH
When was the last time you went out to see HIM?
MARJORIE
I don’t do L.A. . . . He just doesn’t want anything to do with us.
ELIZABETH
(sympathetically and half-joking)
Aww . . . do you think we all ran away from you on purpose?
MARJORIE
You didn’t know you’d meet someone from Seattle. But David CHOSE to move out west.
ELIZABETH
I quit trying to figure out David years ago.
MARJORIE
All right—let’s focus.
MARJORIE sighs.
MARJORIE (CONT’D)
I’m getting too old for all this stress.
ELIZABETH
Everything’s going to be fine.
MARJORIE
And I’m worried about your father. He should have been back by now.
MARJORIE calls downstairs on the house phone.
MARJORIE (CONT’D)
This is Marjorie Mumford. Have you seen my husband? . . . Yes, that’s right . . .
I see . . . No, that’s okay . . . Thank you, Derek.
MARJORIE hangs up.
MARJORIE (CONT’D)
How typical! Just when there’s work to be done, he disappears. Do you have that problem?
END OF EXCERPT