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EXCERPTS
Full-length Play
Marriages of Inconvenience
A Play In Two Acts by William Fowkes.
Available for performance or publication
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DESCRIPTION: Three married men pay the price for leading double lives in a time of social change.
EXCERPT:
1973
TV ANNOUNCER #2 (Voiceover)
Today, the American Psychiatric Association announced the removal of homosexuality from its list of psychiatric disorders.
1977
TV ANNOUNCER #1 (Voiceover)
Florida’s Miami-Dade County passed a gay rights ordinance today, prompting Anita Bryant to declare, “If gays are granted rights, next we’ll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards.”
SCENE 3: Five and a half years later. Early 1977. A gay bar in Greenwich Village. Dan and Graham are standing huddled together at one end of the bar.
DAN
Why did we have to come here?
GRAHAM
It’s time we checked out our people.
DAN
These aren’t our people, man! We have nothing in common with them except the fact that we . . . Well, we’re just not like them.
GRAHAM
Dan, drink your beer and pretend to be happy. I’m happy! I love my life—being an investment banker, living in New York—the whole package! And thank you for inviting me to move in with you.
DAN
Just helping out a friend.
GRAHAM
I missed you up in Boston. (Snuggling up to Dan) And I kinda got the sense you missed me, too. Right? Kinda? Sorta?
DAN
OK, you win! For the time being—until I get married—until you get married—it’s a nice arrangement.
GRAHAM
Nice? Down comforters are nice.
DAN
More than nice. It means we don’t have to go to places like this. So why’d we come here?
GRAHAM
Because I thought this would be the perfect setting for a little speech I’ve prepared.
DAN
Oh, brother! (Raising his glass and voice) Ladies and gentlemen—I mean, gentlemen—Graham Walker is about to demonstrate his amazing powers of elocution.
GRAHAM
(Lowers his voice) Shush! This is for your ears only. I know you’ve had this grand plan for us. This great marital suburban vision. But lately, I don’t know . . . it doesn’t seem so pressing. Life with you’s been . . . well . . . sweet. And I haven’t heard you mention anything about dating lately, so maybe we’ve already found our spouses. Maybe we’re them.
DAN
Graham, that’s absurd! (Finishing his beer and slamming it down on the bar)
GRAHAM
Is it? We live together. Sleep together. We certainly have more sex than any married couple I know. And . . . we love each other. The only thing missing is being open about it. None of our friends even know we’re a couple.
DAN
Well, that’s what we wanted.
GRAHAM
But aren’t you ever sick of it? When they hold hands and smooch right in front of us, and we just sit there smiling and taking it all in, don’t you want to hold my hand and nuzzle my neck, too? (Slams his beer down, too) That’s why we came down here, Dan—because here we’re the norm and they’re the queer ones!
DAN
(Looking around self-consciously) Graham, this place gives me the creeps. No one takes these people seriously. Our families don’t—I’m sure Smith Barney doesn’t—so don’t pretend they’re our people. I know you too well to believe you want to be a loser.
GRAHAM
I give. (Draping his arm around Dan and preparing for a kiss) But isn’t it nice to be able to be affectionate in a place where no one we know could possibly catch us in the act?
DAN
I thought down comforters were nice. Now can we go home please?
GRAHAM
I’ve got a better idea. (Grabs Dan’s face with both hands and kisses him, then pulls him into a tight embrace. Dan closes his eyes and gives in fully to the embrace.)
RICHARD HAMLIN
(Enters with a companion trailing behind, spots Dan & Graham, and approaches them) Well, fasten your seatbelts—it’s my two favorite Yalies!
GRAHAM
Richard Hamlin?
RICHARD HAMLIN
(Said with great flourish) Flash from the past! Yale’s most popular resident faculty fellow—at your service.
DAN
(Curtly) What are you doing here? You won’t find any undergraduates in the whole place, you know.
RICHARD HAMLIN
Oh, please—undergrads are fine, but every now and then I need something more substantial. You know how it is! (Laughs) I’m glad to see you two are still a couple.
DAN
We were never a couple, Richard!
RICHARD HAMLIN
I seem to remember playing a critical role in bringing the two of you together. You never thanked me, of course, but I knew what was going on.
GRAHAM
(Denying the obvious) We’re just catching up on old times.
RICHARD HAMLIN
In a gay bar?
GRAHAM
That’s all!
WALTER GRIFFITH
(Joining the circle) Really, Richard! Have you no shame? I leave you alone for a few moments, and you take up with the two best looking men in the whole place.
RICHARD HAMLIN
(Laughing) Forgive me, Walter. I have no manners. These are two of my prize students—and frequent companions in debauchery—from Yale. Class of ’74, I believe.
WALTER GRIFFITH
(Staring quizzically as he shakes hands with Dan) You look familiar. Are you in one of my classes?
RICHARD HAMLIN
Walter teaches law at Columbia
DAN
(Sheepishly) Securities, Tuesdays and Thursdays at ten.
WALTER GRIFFITH
Ah, yes! Well, now that I know you’re one of Richard’s prize students, I’ll have to keep a closer eye on you.
GRAHAM
(Seeing Dan’s discomfort) Well, we were just going. Good to see you, Richard. (Starts to exit with Dan)
RICHARD HAMLIN
Just like old times. You two were always scurrying away from me.
GRAHAM
Nice to meet you, Walter. (Ushers Dan out the door. They continue their conversation just outside the bar.)
DAN
See what you’ve done!
GRAHAM
I was just trying to help you make a quick exit. I could see you were uncomfortable.
DAN
No, I mean you dragged me down here, and now you got me in trouble. Now Professor Griffith thinks he knows something about me. If word ever got out . . . no law firm would ever hire me if they thought I was gay!
GRAHAM
You’re exaggerating.
DAN
Graham, Professor Griffith saw me!
GRAHAM
You saw him. You could just as easily cause trouble for him.
DAN
That’s not how it works.
GRAHAM
(Putting his arm around Dan) You’re overreacting!
DAN
(Pushing his arm away) Leave me alone! You’re an irresponsible fool! You think life’s one big fairy tale.
GRAHAM
I love the way you make puns when you’re angry.
DAN
Fuck you! My future’s at stake here, damn it!
GRAHAM
What’s the worst that could happen? So maybe you don’t get a job at a top 10 law firm. There are lots of firms out there. I’m sure you’ll find a job.
DAN
I don’t want just any job! I’m a Yale man. A Columbia Law student. You don’t end up with the big house working at firms that hire losers.
GRAHAM
Is that all your life’s about?
DAN
You’re the one who wants a Mercedes Benz.
GRAHAM
It’s not about cars and houses and country clubs.
DAN
That’s easy for you to say! You’re from Westport. You’ve had those things. You’re not from North Dakota.
GRAHAM
Dan, you didn’t grow up in a teepee. And what does any of that matter? What about people? Relationships? Love? The rest is all bullshit.
DAN
(Pointing at himself and Graham) No, this—this is bullshit! You go back in there and hang out with your new friends. And then go find your own place to live—’cause I’m through with all this! (Starts to exit)
GRAHAM
Dan!
DAN
(Pauses before exiting. Said with great determination.) This is not who I am. It’s not who I was meant to be. I can’t be what you—I can’t do it anymore! (Exits)
BLACKOUT
[End of excerpt]
Some feedback on Marriages of Inconvenience:
“Weird and wonderful. One hand, light and frothy, the other, almost epic. I’m sure there’s a production looming.”
- New Phoenix Theatre, Buffalo (Eric Bentley New Play Competition)
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