The Seeker

                             A Play in Two Acts by William Fowkes

                   He’s looking for God, love, and sex--but not necessarily in that order.

                                   

                                                             EXCERPT #1:

ACT ONE

PART ONE: CHRISTIAN TRIANGLES

[The stage is in blackout.]

OLDER TOMMY HAMILTON (Voiceover)

Consider a triangle—where do triangles exist? … When Professor Brumbaugh posed that question in my introductory philosophy course at Columbia University almost 30 years ago, it set me off on a spiritual quest I still haven’t quite completed.

Scene: Spring 1972. A college lecture hall.

[Projection: an image of a college lecture hall—either the exterior of the building or the interior of the hall.]

Professor Brumbaugh enters and addresses

the audience.

PROFESSOR BRUMBAUGH

Consider a triangle—where do triangles exist?

(studying the audience for a moment)

Let’s try a little demonstration.

[Projection: a modern geometric painting with a green triangle at its center.]

(pointing to the painting)

Focus on the green triangle at the center of this painting.

(responding to a question from the class)

No—I’m not going to hypnotize you.

(dramatically)

I’m going to blow your mind! … You see, this green object isn’t really a triangle at all, is it? What are triangles, anyway?

(responding to a comment)

Three-sided objects? Not quite. To be precise—and you can have no greater aspiration in life than to achieve precision—triangles are nothing more than three-sided geometrical figures. As such, they don’t exist in space at all. Only triangular OBJECTS exist in space.

[Projection: an image of a college lecture hall—the same image as earlier.]

But triangularity itself? The very idea of a triangle? Where does THAT exist? … An A-plus to the student who can answer that question. … No one? … Okay, when do you think the idea of a triangle came into being? … No one? … Okay, guys—and ladies from Barnard—don’t you think triangularity must have existed in some sense before any triangular objects existed in a physical sense? … Or do you think triangles were INVENTED by humans?

He lowers his glasses and stares at the class.

I hope that’s not what you think.

He exits.

[No projection]

OLDER TOMMY HAMILTON (Voiceover)

Professor Brumbaugh’s question made me think there must be SOMETHING out there—an eternal realm of mathematics at the very least. Soon enough I cracked the door open to the spiritual world even further. Oh, I’m not talking about standard issue Christianity—I had my share of that growing up in Cleveland Heights, Ohio. I’m talking about what happened one summer. … You remember college summers, don’t you? That moment when widows deflower young men in resort towns all across the country?

(beat)

Except in my case. … There was no need, because I’m gay. Or should I say I WAS gay? … Or do such categories even apply anymore? But there was a time when such categories most definitely applied.

Scene: Summer 1972. The interior of Book World in Boothbay Harbor, Maine.

[Projection: the interior of Book World, a bookshop.]

The young Tommy Hamilton enters and

begins to tidy things up.

OLDER TOMMY HAMILTON (Voiceover)

MY summer was the summer of ’72. My resort town was Boothbay Harbor, Maine. I worked as the manager of a summer bookshop called Book World. That’s me—Tommy

Hamilton at 19. … God!! Do 19 year-olds realize how young they are?! … Tommy, give us a little tour, will you?

YOUNG TOMMY

Okay—cool! … Book World! Wow—what can I say? A whole world of books! This place was one far-out freak show, man! We attracted everyone—the crusty locals, hippies passing through town, families doing the whole New England tour thing. … The pay sucked, but the adventures more than made up for it. Including one that started right here.

Christian enters.

I didn’t even notice him at first, but then I spotted him poring over the philosophy and religion books in the corner. I always stared at the cute guys. I always undressed them and had my way with them. … They never even knew. … but this one stared back. The first one that long wet summer to stare back. After a while I just had to break the silence.

He approaches Christian.

May I help you?

CHRISTIAN

(in his Southern accent)

Have you read this?

TOMMY

(examining the book in Christian’s hand)

No way! It’s insipid!

CHRISTIAN

Then why do you carry it?

TOMMY

Because our customers like insipid books.

They both laugh.

CHRISTIAN

Do you sell anything besides insipid books?

Tommy hands him a different book.

TOMMY

Try this one.

CHRISTIAN

(reading the book’s cover)

“The Phenomenology of Christianity.”

He hands it back with a look of disdain.

Actually, I’ve heard this one’s tedious.

TOMMY

Are you kidding? It’s far out! He’s a groovy writer!

CHRISTIAN

He may be groovy, but I never read books with…blue covers.

Tommy starts to put the book back on the

shelf.

TOMMY

Oh, I see.

CHRISTIAN

(openly flirting now)

No, no, kind Bookshop Proprietor. Give it back to me. I shall take your recommendation seriously. … Give it back, please!

Tommy gives him back the book.

TOMMY

Well, all right then.

CHRISTIAN

(studying the book)

I like books about Christianity. I’m a practicing Christian, ya know.

TOMMY

Hey—so am I.

CHRISTIAN

But I don’t know about this big word—“phenomenology.” Sounds kinda highfalutin’ for a Christian book. What’s it about, anyway?

TOMMY

It’s something I’m studying at school—it’s mind-blowing.

CHRISTIAN

We don’t like to blow minds where I come from.

TOMMY

Where do you come from?

CHRISTIAN

South Carolina.

TOMMY

Oh.

CHRISTIAN

Oh? … Is that some sort of Yankee putdown?

TOMMY

No, I’ve just never been…

CHRISTIAN

Where are YOU from?

TOMMY

I go to Columbia University—you know, in New York.

CHRISTIAN

I get the picture—so tell me about this mind-blowing book.

TOMMY

Do I have to?

CHRISTIAN

I’d be most appreciative.

TOMMY

Well—phenomenology. I wrote a paper on it. … It’s about describing human experience without considering the validity or invalidity of your beliefs.

CHRISTIAN

Go on.

TOMMY

You see, if you don’t worry about whether what you believe is really true—if you just bracket all that—you can focus on the experience itself and come to understand it better.

CHRISTIAN

Do you realize how cute you are when you go on like that?

TOMMY

You think I’m cute?

CHRISTIAN

As a button!

TOMMY

(nervously)

Then, would you like to stick around? I’ll be closing the store for dinner in a few minutes.

CHRISTIAN

Sure—I’d love to hear more about this phenomenology. Why don’t we grab a bite to eat or somethin’?

TOMMY

(announcing)

Ladies and Gentlemen, Book World is now closed! We’ll re-open at seven!

Tommy starts to usher Christian out.

Okay—let’s go!

Christian grabs Tommy’s arm.

CHRISTIAN

Hold on, cowboy! Aren’t you forgettin’ something? We haven’t been properly introduced.

TOMMY

That’s cool. I’m Mr. Thomas William Hamilton. But call me Tommy. And who might you be?

CHRISTIAN

I might be Jonas Salk, but I happen to be Christian Barrie.

TOMMY

Cool! Now, I’ve only got an hour off…

(checking his watch)

…make that fifty-eight minutes—so we better get going!

CHRISTIAN

Where are we going?

TOMMY

To my place, of course—unless you have a better idea. Where are you staying?

CHRISTIAN

Out on Butternut Island.

TOMMY

Butternut Island?! That’s thirty minutes away—so it’s got to be my place. Let’s go, man!

CHRISTIAN

You don’t have to make me dinner!

TOMMY

(laughing)

I’m not going to make you dinner.

CHRISTIAN

What are we gonna do, then?

TOMMY

We’re gonna—you know…

CHRISTIAN

I DON’T know…

TOMMY

(after a pause)

Uh-oh. I’m sorry—I think I jumped to a conclusion.

CHRISTIAN

What did you think we were going to do?

TOMMY

Forget it—dinner would be fine.

(brightening at an idea)

Or hey—how about a picnic out on the rocks at Ocean Point?

CHRISTIAN

My fate is in your hands, Yankee!

BLACKOUT

END OF EXCERPT #1

EXCERPT #2:

Two months later...

Scene: That night. Butternut Island. Outside Retreat House.

[Projection: the grounds of Retreat House on Butternut Island—a wooded nighttime scene with a house slightly off in the distance.]

Tommy approaches the house cautiously. A

retreat member takes him by surprise.

JOHNNY REDMOND

They’re all inside at a prayer meeting.

TOMMY

Johnny Redmond! You startled me, man! Have you heard any news about Christian? Has he come back?

JOHNNY

Oh, you mean Teacher’s Pet? I don’t keep track of his whereabouts.

TOMMY

Who should I ask?

JOHNNY

Like I said, they’re all inside.

Tommy starts to leave.

TOMMY

Then I guess I’ll just go inside.

JOHNNY

No one’s gonna tell you what’s really going on.

Tommy stops.

TOMMY

You make it sound like an Agatha Christie mystery.

JOHNNY

You’ve been reading too many books, Mr. Bookseller.

TOMMY

C’mon, Johnny! If you know anything, why don’t you just tell me?

JOHNNY

We’re not supposed to divulge too much information to outsiders. I could be punished for breaking the code.

Johnny laughs.

TOMMY

Look, I don’t care if you guys are plotting to take over the world or whatever the fuck you’re doing. I just want to find out if my friend is all right. Can you help me or not?

JOHNNY

You know, you’re awfully cute, Tommy. … I bet Pete had a real good time with you. … But what are you gonna do now that he dumped you? Are you gonna run away, too?

TOMMY

What are you…? You’re making things up!

Tommy starts to leave again.

JOHNNY

(calling him back)

Hey, I’ll come clean with you!

Tommy stops.

(less belligerently)

You see, Father Pete and I had a special relationship, too—back at Redeemer College. … But once we came up here, he started pulling away. … I was stupid to think I could just sneak into his room… But I’m glad I caught him with Christian, ’cause he started paying a lot more attention to me. Made me his special adviser. …  Then I discovered he had LOTS of special advisors around here.

TOMMY

Is EVERYONE at Redeemer College gay?

JOHNNY

Father Pete just has a knack for picking out the ones with potential.

TOMMY

You mean the ones willing to bend over backwards to keep his secret!

JOHNNY

(proudly)

I bend whatever way he wants.

TOMMY

And all the while you continue to preach celibacy and denounce homosexuality.

JOHNNY

We don’t denounce it exactly.

TOMMY

You mean you accept it?

JOHNNY

Heck no—they suspend students if they find out you’re gay.

TOMMY

(dryly)

How nice.

JOHNNY

What do you expect? This is a Christian school—a Christian retreat.

Tommy starts to storm off.

Don’t bother checking his room! I already looked—all his stuff’s gone.

Tommy stops again.

TOMMY

O. K., so at least we know he’s alive.

JOHNNY

How do you know someone else didn’t remove his stuff?

TOMMY

(sarcastically)

Yeah—and how do you know this isn’t all a dream?

JOHNNY

Trust me—my dreams are much better than this.

TOMMY

(angrily)

Just tell me what you know, goddammit!

JOHNNY

Swearing’s the sign of a tortured soul, Tommy.

TOMMY

I was right—you don’t know anything.

JOHNNY

Jesus gives me all I need to know.

TOMMY

Jesus—right! I bet HE’D fit in here just fine, wouldn’t he?

JOHNNY

I certainly hope so.

TOMMY

It’s all games and deception with you people, isn’t it? Nobody knows anything! Nothing’s what it seems! … Christian Barrie—the sweet, sensitive guy who’s also one sick boy. Father Pete—the caring Christian leader who’s really a deceitful opportunist. The God who’s three gods in one. The son who’s human but also not just human. The wine that changes into blood; the bread that… It’s all just one big sordid mystery! 

JOHNNY

You’ve got a twisted mind. You’d be much better off if you just gave yourself over to Christ.

TOMMY

Do you seriously believe God needs an agent? 

JOHNNY

I believe whatever Father Pete tells me.

TOMMY

And did he tell you God’s agent needs an agent, too?

JOHNNY

You’re losing me.

TOMMY

Do you really think Father Pete will lead you to Christ?

JOHNNY

He can lead me anywhere.

TOMMY

You’re missing my point! Or does God just want us to shut up and accept it all blindly, amen?

JOHNNY

You think too much, Mr. Bookseller.

TOMMY

I certainly hope I do! Now leave me alone. No—I’ll leave YOU alone! All of you! You’re all just full of—Jesus Christ!

Tommy storms off for good.

JOHNNY

Amen.

BLACKOUT

END OF EXCERPT #2

EXCERPT #3:

PART TWO: MAYA

1985

OLDER TOMMY HAMILTON (Voiceover)

(to the audience)

What I told Molly was no lie—as a gay man and a rising star in the world of advertising, I was able to live a very wild life indeed. Except for the big party pooper of the decade—but I wasn’t going to let the AIDS crisis slow me down too much. I practiced safe sex—but I wasn’t always selective about where I practiced it.

Scene: A month later. The Christopher Street piers. 

[Projection: an image very slowly appears revealing the interior of a rotting pier.]

Tommy enters, but is barely visible in the

dark.

OLDER TOMMY HAMILTON (Voiceover)

It took several moments for my eyes to adjust as I walked among the silent seekers on the rotting piers at the foot of Christopher Street. I joined a groping session already in progress, jeans dropping all around me.

We dimly see another figure.

One fellow adventurer lavished me with so much loving and licking, the others backed off and left us alone. 

TOMMY

(coming up for air)

You come here often?

ANONYMOUS MAN

Shh!

TOMMY

Live around here?

ANONYMOUS MAN

Shh!

TOMMY

What do you like to do?

ANONYMOUS MAN

Hey man, don’t break the mood!

TOMMY

Oh, you DO talk!

ANONYMOUS MAN

You wanna do this or don’t ya?

TOMMY

Of course I wanna—I just like to know what I’m getting.

ANONYMOUS MAN

I think you can feel what you’re gettin’.

TOMMY

I think I can. … You obviously work out a lot.

ANONYMOUS MAN

I guess.

TOMMY

No, you do! I can tell. Where do you work out?

ANONYMOUS MAN

At the Y. 

TOMMY

Cool.

ANONYMOUS MAN

So you wanna do this or not?

TOMMY

Sure.

ANONYMOUS MAN

Are you a top or a bottom?

TOMMY

What are you looking for?

ANONYMOUS MAN

A bottom.

TOMMY

Then I’m a bottom—a BIG bottom.

ANONYMOUS MAN

Now put a plug in it and bend over.

TOMMY

I’ll bend over, but the rest is YOUR job.

ANONYMOUS MAN

Shh!

TOMMY

Aye, aye, sir!

They simulate anal sex in the dark.

Yeah! Yeah! That’s it! Keep it up!

ANONYMOUS MAN

Ahhh!!

He collapses on top of Tommy.

TOMMY

(after a pause)

That was good! YOU’RE good!

ANONYMOUS MAN

(starting to get up)

Oh, shit!

TOMMY

(blissfully)

What’s the matter?

ANONYMOUS MAN

The fuckin’ condom broke.

TOMMY

It’s all right—I’ve got more.

ANONYMOUS MAN

No, you don’t understand—I’m POSITIVE!

TOMMY

I get it—you said the fuckin’ condom broke!

ANONYMOUS MAN

No, I mean I’m HIV positive!

TOMMY

Oh, shit!

ANONYMOUS MAN

You better get tested, man!

BLACKOUT

   

Scene: A few weeks later. An auditorium.

[Projection: a large picture of Master, with white turban and beard.]

Tommy and Molly enter.

TOMMY

Where did all these people come from? And when did India conquer New York?

MOLLY

Behave yourself!

TOMMY

I just need some reassurance I haven’t made a big mistake. They’re not going to pour hot oil over me, are they?

MOLLY

You asked to come along—I’m not forcing this on you. So just sit down and listen to the speaker.

They sit down. An efficient woman sporting

a navy blue power suit and a floppy scarf

necktie enters and approaches a podium.

SPEAKER

A good friend of mine died unexpectedly last month.

(after a dramatic pause)

When this happens to someone close to you, it hits with a special force. The only certainty of life is that we are going to die. For most people, this is a source of great pain and suffering, so they try to look and act younger, thinking they can put death off for now. As Scarlett O’Hara used to say, “I’ll think about that tomorrow.” But, of course, she never had any intention of thinking about that tomorrow. Nor do most people.

TOMMY

(to Molly)

Clever bit.

MOLLY

Shush.

SPEAKER

But our approach at The Master’s Way is different. We EMBRACE death, and we are fortunate indeed to have a master, Guruji Singh, who teaches us how to do that. The central lesson of his teaching is that life has a purpose. Forget what the agnostics and atheists say, those poor souls who take a perverse pleasure in declaring that life has NO purpose, NO meaning.

TOMMY

I never said that! I don’t believe that! The point is to CREATE that purpose.

MOLLY

Tommy!

SPEAKER

WE know that the purpose of life is to commune with God. Through the Master’s Way, we acquire methods to facilitate that communion. Through the practice of meditation and by living a pure life, we can rise spiritually and return to the ultimate source of that positive energy called the Lord, or God. … Many people mistakenly think they can fill the emptiness of the human condition by connecting with things and people in the world. They set out to acquire material possessions. They sleep around, craving more and more physical connections. They dilute their consciousness with drugs or alcohol.

TOMMY

Sounds like a good plan!

Molly just stares at him.

SPEAKER

And all the while, what they really want is to re-connect with their own inner spiritual power. … There’s no denying that the distractions of this world are powerful. But all of this—even great works of art, literature, and music—ALL of this is just illusion, or what the Masters call maya [pronounced “my-uh”]. When we surrender ourselves in meditation, we replicate the process of dying, and see beyond the illusion. Which brings us back to my good friend. I feel a connection with her more than a loss, for what SHE has done, I practice doing every day. Death holds no terror for me, or for any Satsangi. We embrace it, for we know it is simply one more stage in our journey back home to the Lord. Thank you.

Tommy applauds.

MOLLY

(scolding Tommy)

What are you doing?

He stops applauding.

TOMMY

She deserves an Oscar for her performance! Or else she’s undergone an amazing transformation.

MOLLY

We’ve all undergone that transformation.

TOMMY

You mean you believe all this stuff?

MOLLY

I experience it daily. And don’t laugh—I guess bringing you here was a mistake.

TOMMY

I’m not laughing.

MOLLY

You think we’re ridiculous.

TOMMY

No, not at all. I don’t get it, but I respect and admire you.

MOLLY

(flirtatiously)

Then will you come to more meetings with me?

TOMMY

We’ll see.

Molly exits.

[No projection]

                                                           (to the audience)

Yes, I thought they were all ridiculous! … But I also couldn’t stop thinking about them. With a death sentence hanging over my head, maybe this was the answer. … But a few months later, I got another answer, the answer to the biggest question on my mind. And the answer was negative. As in “NOT infected.” NOT exposed. NOT going to die prematurely. Negativity as a positive. No to death; yes to life. I WAS GOING TO LIVE! … Despite temptations to go back to the bars and the baths, in the end I decided to put my life on a different track—one that took me to Baltimore to join several hundred of my fellow seekers.

END OF EXCERPTS